Second-Yearitis

Last year, I remember thinking that the second year MBAs were really lazy. They showed up unprepared to class, took long weekends to travel, and were always the last ones to complete their section of any group project. Meanwhile, I was wound up tighter than the girdle on a Baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast (thank you, Blanche Devereaux), convinced that I would never get an internship offer and would have to spend my summer making lattes at Starbucks. Not that there’s anything wrong with working at Starbucks. At least you get health insurance and free day-old pastries.

Don’t cry for me. I got a summer internship after all, which turned into a full time job offer. Hooray! But just a few days after signing my offer, I felt an itch. Before long, that itch turned into a cough. Then that cough became a deep-seated lethargy accompanied by a complete inability to concentrate on homework for more than ten minutes at a time.

I went to the doctor and she said there was nothing wrong with me. But I know better. I recognize the symptoms of Second-Yearitis from a mile away.

How can you tell if you have Second-Yearitis? Ask yourself these two simple questions:

  • Am I a second year MBA?
  • Have I signed a full time job offer?

If you said “yes” to the above, you most certainly have Second-Yearitis. If you said “yes” to the first question and “no” to the second, you are at high risk for Second-Yearitis. If you said “no” to both — then congratulations, you are safe! But be sure to get your flu, measles, and tetanus shots. No promises on those.

The first stage of Second-Yearitis is marked by an inexplicable sense of calm. Infected individuals can be identified by their frequent use of phrases such as, “Grades don’t matter, anyway.” Next comes the selective attention span. Weekend study sessions turn into weekend “Scandal” marathons, and house cleaning suddenly becomes an obsession that ebbs and flows with important deadlines. In later phases of the disease, the patient acquires a smug air of self-satisfaction and a propensity to dispense career advice to first years, friends, neighbors, siblings and perfect strangers.

My prognosis isn’t good. There is no treatment for Second-Yearitis, and the only cure is graduation. I can only cross my fingers that my disease doesn’t progress to Stage Four before next May. I’ve heard the symptoms are too horrible to imagine, but I think it involves a lot of online shopping.

Stay healthy, my friends.

——–
p.s. Happy New Year! I’ve made a resolution to blog more in 2015, but with my illness and all I can’t make any promises. What I will promise to do is spend more time on Pinterest. That feels really important right now.

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