The Truth About Admit Day – Part 1

Still waiting for Dream School to make up their minds about me, and in the meantime I’ve decided to attend Admit Day at my number two school. Admit Day, for those unfamiliar, is a chance for admitted students to tour campus, network, and get acquainted with the place where they will be spending the next two years of their lives. Or it’s a chance for admitted students to be wined, dined, and enthusiastically cajoled into forking over their deposit. However you want to look at it.

In any case, I was shocked when I got a look at the day’s agenda. And by “day,” I mean a full ten hours. TEN HOURS! Forget networking, these people are going to know my whole life story by day’s end. I can’t imagine how we will possibly pass the time. Wait – I can, and I’m about to.

Admit Day Agenda

10:00-10:30am – Registration (coffee and assorted pastries to be served)

10:30-11:30am – Campus Tour

11:30-12:30pm – Attend Class: “Business Strategy” taught by I.M. Kewl

12:30-1:30pm – Lunch with Student Ambassadors

1:30-2:30pm – Ropes Course

2:30-3:00pm – Spoken Word Poetry Slam on the topic “Which Organ I Would Sell to Attend This School, and Why That Makes Me Unique”

3:00-3:30pm – Career Center Presentation: “Improv Comedy Techniques for Interviewers”

3:30-3:45pmBreak

3:45-5:00pm – Group Hypnotherapy

5:00-5:30pm – Ritual Scarring of the School Motto onto Each Student’s Upper Left Thigh

5:30-6:30pm – Alumni Mixer and Talent Show

6:30-7:00pm – Campfire Sing-Along

7:00-8:00pm – Dinner and Jello Shots with the Dean

Sure, this madness is nominally for my benefit, but let’s look at the facts here: I have to miss work, hop a plane, stay overnight in a comped hotel room, and deliver myself willingly into the hands of professional kidnappers who want nothing more than to feed me, get me tipsy, and tell me how happy I’m going to be at their school. But…no, wait. This is all sounding pretty good. What was the issue again?

See you after Admit Day!

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